I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
