hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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