how can u be prego again
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize