she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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