Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
