you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
