i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
