Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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