omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize