just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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