my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
