This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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