Plan B is the new Plan A
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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