sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
