Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I showed him my bush... on skype.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
