haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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