woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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