I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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