Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
