im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
