I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
