Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
