so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Randomize
