You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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