Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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