How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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