you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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