Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
