It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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