Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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