don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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