My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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