fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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