I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize