In America we eat man semen.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
