I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I touched a dick in church today
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
