I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize