he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
