I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
