I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
