He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
