This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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