I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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