There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
