Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
