Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
