well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
