I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
