I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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