i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
