Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
