Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
