our cab driver is having phone sex.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
