a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
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