her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
