6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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