the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
