The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize