you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
