so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
