so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
