I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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