Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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