it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
