Kiss
Puke
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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