gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
