WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
