i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
