Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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