His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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