**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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