I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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