R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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