i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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