Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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