you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
