We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
