I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
