meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
her vagine was all disorganized.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize