It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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