dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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