I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
