It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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