i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dick very happy bro
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
