Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
