i was born a porn star she said
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
