Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
