The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
