I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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