i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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