Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize