I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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