so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
