I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize