What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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