Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
