its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
where are you?
Hypothermia
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
