problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize