when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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