That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
