Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
