Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Randomize
