i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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