why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
