why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
