3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Someone signed my nipple.
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