I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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