if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
