I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
