I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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