Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
