Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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