i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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