god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
