so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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