She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
